Grace, Growth, and the Spectrum: A Mother's Journey. Part 1.
- Elizabeth-Gaye Foundation
- Apr 9
- 4 min read
When Alexis first noticed that her son, affectionately known as “Tre,” wasn’t hitting his developmental milestones, her instincts kicked in. “He started crawling late, walking late, wouldn’t respond to his name,” she recalls. “He was hyper fixated on cars and wheels, didn’t play or interact with other kids at all.” With her academic background in psychology and school counseling—and her deeply tuned-in mommy radar—Alexis knew early intervention was critical.
But her path wasn’t simple or straightforward. And for many Black families, especially those raising boys, the journey through the autism diagnosis and support process comes with extra hurdles.
The Early Signs
By the time Tre was around 1.5 to 2 years old, Alexis had started documenting his behaviors and advocating for answers. The signs were subtle but persistent: Tre didn’t respond to his name, disliked loud noises, had strong food texture aversions, and followed a strict self-imposed routine. “He was talking like a baby—cooing, pointing, crying,” she says, “but not using words like a typical two-year-old.”
Adding to the confusion, Tre suffered frequent ear infections. Doctors initially suspected hearing issues, and fluid buildup led to surgery for ear tubes. While that helped his auditory processing, it didn’t close the gap in communication.
By age three, Tre was diagnosed with mild autism and a speech delay. “He was learning and developing but almost a year behind kids his age,” Alexis explains. “He was recognizing shapes, numbers, letters, but couldn’t follow simple instructions.”
It was a confirmation Alexis had both feared and expected. But it was also the beginning of Tre’s real support journey—and hers as a mother and advocate.
Autism in Black Boys: The Numbers Tell a Story
Tre’s story echoes the experience of many Black families. According to the CDC, Black children are now diagnosed with autism at roughly the same rate as white children—1 in 36 children in the U.S. is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), including 1 in 34 boys. However, Black children are often diagnosed later and receive fewer early intervention services, leading to disparities in outcomes. A 2020 study published in Pediatrics found that Black autistic children were more likely to be misdiagnosed with conduct disorders before receiving an autism diagnosis.
This mislabeling, especially for Black boys, contributes to harmful stereotypes and missed opportunities for support. As Alexis put it: “A lot of these children, especially Black boys, are labeled as bad or hard-headed. But they are not bad or mean—they are just loving life according to the rules they know.”
Life at Home: Structure, Patience, and Growth
Raising a neurodivergent child reshapes every part of life, Alexis says. “Any break from routine can lead to a four-hour breakdown. So we’ve learned that routine keeps things going smoothly.” Her family has become more mindful and patient, adapting daily rhythms to Tre’s needs and pace. And while it’s not easy, the growth has been worth it.
“Having to be ‘on’ 110% of the time is the hardest part,” she admits. “If you’re sick or having a bad day, you still have to meet your child’s needs first.” Alexis has experienced this strain firsthand—especially while navigating big life changes—but emphasizes the importance of not losing yourself in the process.
“I cannot stress this enough: therapy! That was the best thing I could have done for ME,” she says. “You’re no good to anyone if your mental health is not intact.”
Her personal toolkit for balance? “God, the gym, and therapy.”
Finding Support and Building a Village
Alexis’s journey was informed not just by motherly intuition but also by her professional background. As a former Registered Behavior Technician (RBT) in an autism clinic, she had firsthand exposure to ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) methods and used them at home with Tre. Seeing his positive response was another clue that professional evaluation was necessary.
From pediatricians to child psychologists, speech therapists to educators, Alexis has built a circle of professionals—and made sure they all share the same goals. “Your support system is everything,” she says. “The school counselor should be your child’s biggest advocate in school. Communicate everything.”
She encourages parents to speak up, be present, and follow through at home. “Be active in your child’s success. Make sure it is well known that you don’t play about your child—but also do your part.”
Lessons in Grace
Looking back, Alexis says she wishes she had been more patient, more accepting, and less ashamed. “I sheltered Tre. I was angry and embarrassed,” she confesses. “But I’ve grown. We’ve both grown.”
And that growth has brought immense pride. “I’m so proud of all that Tre has accomplished. And I’m just as proud of myself. It’s a journey—but it’s well worth it.”
Her final message to parents just beginning this journey: “There is nothing ‘wrong’ with your child. They are not broken. Their brain just works a little differently. You are the best person for this job—give yourself grace and find your tribe.”
Stay tuned for Part 2 of our Autism Awareness Month series, where we’ll meet another incredible mom and hear her story of navigating diagnosis, community, and hope.
Resources:
Autism in Black – A culturally responsive support resource for Black parents and caregivers
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